Hey guys,

Hey guys,

I got a new night job so I can make some extra money to dick off with and get me out of the house, I really like it so far! I get free drinks all day so I am now basically living off of banana slushies. Only part I hate is rude customers, usually they're really old too. To deal with it I just imagine them as a giant golden raisin that will be shrunk down later and fed to gorillas. It's like what are you even in a rush for, I'm not trying to deal with you if you finna have a heart attack at my register right now. Other than that though it's been really awesome! I might finish up some stuff I have going art-wise, thinking about some photos I could take. pretty low key move when it comes to that right now.

That's it for now, thanks for reading/faving/commenting/watching/etc.

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

I got a magical little story that starts out with me being woken up by three cops and getting arrested, but I also have some other neat stuff, like shameless self promotion!

I don't post everything I do on here because I dunno, I like to keep my gallery on here for stuff I really like, but if you follow me on tumblr you can see more of my bullshit and if you follow my society6 you can see some stuff I personally think is neat and also for ~* Sale *~. Like check this sweet T-Shirt [link] or this Pillow [link] .

Now for my magical story. Basically, my mom saw a story on the news about some kid killing his parents and that freaked her out enough that she decided to call the courts to pretty much force me to be mentally evaluated. Jesus. H. Christ. So yeah, the other day I get woken up by three piggles and my mom and my first reaction is just "Am I dead?". But they tell me I'm not in trouble, I just have to go somewhere, so I'm all "... k well you all need to wait". So obviously I go on Facebook, and update my status to let all 3 of my friends know that I won't be around today. I announced to them that I had to piss like a pregnant woman, and that my uterus is shedding, so unless they want their cell to look like someone slaughtered a lamb in there, they need to let me go to the bathroom. After they "secure the area" and deem the half tube of toothpaste and 1-ply a non-threat, I finally get to perch upon the throne to piss. While I'm in there, they all gather on the couch outside the door to chat, so I yell at them to move to kitchen because I AM SO SUPER PEE SHY. Seriously, I hate peeing when I know people can hear me so much that the pee will physically refuse to exit my bladder. So they move and I finally get some sweet relief, I take care of "Aunt Flo's" arrangements, and I start changing into the clothes mom gave to me, which was essentially just some nicer pants. The pants she picked for me were missing a button though, so I took them off, and I thought mom was in the living room still, so I walked out in my undies only to discover it's just the police. At this point in time, the amount of fucks being given are still at an amount of none, so I'm like "y0 I need some new pants, where my mom at" and they just awkwardly are like " SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN." as if they have never seen a girls anus clad in cotton before. I figure if they didn't want to see me in my underoonies they shouldn't try to arrest me before I've gotten a chance to properly prepare for the day, Gosh. Well, I get some new pants, do my hair, and I allow them to shackle me up so they can cuff n' stuff me, and off I went to the courthouse. Your nose will never itch harder than when your hands are chained to your belt loops. So yeah, after that the day went rather nicely. Made some new friends, got found mentally stable, and my mom was once again proven that she is the perfect nominee for the worlds biggest paranoid over reactor. The End!

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to check out my society6 either, I mean if you watch me I'm sure you'll enjoy it
Also thanks for all the favs/watches/comments too!

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

I won't pee on you. Well I might.
I'm trying to work on something worth posting, so it's not that I haven't been doing anything, it's just I didn't think it was anything worth throwing up on here. I do have a story though! if anyone wants to read it~ It involves a porn store so if that catches your interest... you'll probably be disappointed as much as I was.

One day I decided that I was going to work at the porn store because
1.) Little to no job competition, my thought was no one really wanted to work there.
2.) I don't like dealing with people, and I mean, there isn't exactly a mob of people waiting to get in there,
and 3.) The funny stories. C'mon if you are around that many rubber penises, something funny has to happen at one point.
So I walk in there, and the place is more cramped than an ovulating uterus, so I'm trying not to knock over their arrays of flavored lube and cockrings, and I ask the guy if they have any job applications, and the guy is all "Sorry we don't hire outside of the family." ... WHAT FAMILY HAS A PORN EMPIRE? I wasn't aware that selling booby DVDs WAS A FAMILY BUSINESS. Like can you imagine being in that family?
The dad being an old man and being all "Alright son, you are now 18+. It is time." *hands him a penis shaped key*
"You own the store now champ, I am so proud of you!"
*pulls his son into a tight man hug, this shit is straight up kodak moment*
LIKE, WHAT? Also, they're either under new management or hes a lying sack of titties because I know two people who worked there and they ain't related, SO... Anyway, the guy continues "...If we did there would be a line of applicants out the door lol" and my only reaction was like "Would there though. Would there in fact, be a line, out the door of the porn store, leading into the streets, every single person with an application in hand. WOULD THERE??" I think he overestimated how far the door actually was from him, but whatever. So after that little conversation, me and my friend just kind of looked around and I judged how poorly photoshopped 89% of the movie covers were and then we left and that was the end!

lolol ok that's all. Thanks for reading/commenting/faving/watching and all that jizzy jazz~

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

Some updates! I'm working on some paintings because I bought a fuck load of canvasses, I got my license so I can finally drive~ AND! I made a society6! So this means that if you really like my designs you can buy them as a t-shirt, or a laptop skin, or a iphone case, or even a pillow. It's really neat I think :3 [link]

I can't wait to finish the paintings, I haven't painted in a bajillion years. I also want to get out and shoot some photos soon because I haven't done that much either. ahg. That's it for now, thanks for all the watches comments favs and everything!

~Love, Woody

Hello Dumplings,

I made a .gif!

Tonight is the last night of 2012! And how ordinary and uneventful it is~ I dunno about you but this isn't really a huge holiday for me, more like just a day with an extra dash of spice (Not even the good kind either, like generic brand I-only-had-5-dollars-to-my-name-till-friday kind) BUT, this year has been decently decent. I graduated from college, gained a ton of watchers , and a whole slew of other neat shit.

I also joined GetWatchers and it has this neat little artviewer thing, and it's pretty fun! To join click this: [link]

Anywho! To celebrate, here is a shameless self promotion recap of some of my most popular works this year! and as a bonus, I'm also featuring people below, so if you want in on that, drop a comment or visit my forum thread:[link]


Kiriban (40,000) feature:
caught it


New Years Feature:

Also check this out, they're developing a game and are taking donations and it looks pretty neat! SO GO THERE.

Hey guys,

Just saying Merry Christmas from the darkest pits of my heart to all of yew~
I'm going to upload a Christmas photography special called "Holiday Blues" later, so that will be in your devWatch messages later! They are a little dark, but then again I wouldn't properly be celebrating a holiday if I weren't being bleak about it.

Edit: All uploaded!


Also,
MADE ME A PRESENT AND IT'S REALLY REALLY NEAT: so go check out their gallery because it's pretty nice

Alright that's all,
Thanks for reading and have a good time tonight/tomorrow!

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

I WROTE A TRUE STORY: Will the Real Kris Kringle Please Stand Up?!This year has been hard on my family financially like usual, but a little bit rougher on us than we're used to. This year my mom decided that for Christmas we couldn't afford the tree we usually get (Not exactly a Charlie Brown tree, but certainly ain't no Rockafeller center exhibit either), so we decided to use my little black fake one ("The Satan tree") I got a few years ago as "a little gag present because I'm not a Christian" (Whatever, as long as they don't sprinkle holy water on me or have a priest perform an exorcism, they can buy all the dinky black trees they want.)
It's small, but I figured good enough right? I mean, I'm personally not super into Christmas, but I do enjoy the nice smell of a freshly hacked down pine tree, especially when it comes to covering up eggnog farts. We're not exactly the kind of family to sit around the tree holding hands singing songs or anything like that, but it is a nice thing to have around you know? Well I posted that picture on my
It's neat and I would appreciate if you read it :3 A lot of it means a lot to my mom, so I wanted to share it with you.

Also, I have another story. Not so much a heartwarming Christmas tale, but a story nonetheless! It involved me going to a party with the theme "club kids"  so I was dressed like I usually do, but it was neat not sticking out for once Well, long story short, one of the cars got a flat tire, so my friend pulled over to kinda wait with them, so the cops showed up, and everyone ended up getting breathalyze tested. Well I tried telling the cop I don't drink or do anything, but he didn't believe me and said he's going to have to test me anyway so I was like "FINE DO IT. YES. BLOW ME." ... and then I realized ... "oh". oops. lolololoolol but yeah I passed and I'm all good, but everything else that happened was cray, but I won't delve into deets and bore y'all with it. Other than that though, the party was really fun :3

That's it. Thanks for reading, Dumplings!

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

I almost have 666 watchers! If you happen to be the 666th (screenshot it or something like a kiriban) you'll get a special prize~ Who will be the special demon dumpling?!

also I tried uploading something last night but it kept fucking up really bad, so hopefully it'll work today :I

Well that was fast!

Thanks !

_{also the picture I tried uploading finally uploaded. heee~}

That is all.

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

Figured I should update my journal at least, seeing how lately my creativity is drier than an old maids twat. I've been working on my final project for this class, which might be worth uploading I think. It's a cartoon and yeah should be neat. Also for my drawing class, my assignment is literally make an OC. Come up with a biography and all the shit that goes with making an OC. 9000% done with that class. So yeah, I'll upload when I get something, I'm almost done a photo thing right now. That's about it.

Thanks for reading/watching/faving.
~Love, Woody

Hey Guys,

So on Sunday I saw Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie (the Twins of Evil Tour) Live, and it was just fucking amazing. I was on the floor, front row the entire time and it was just the funnest thing I've ever been to. Great sets, costumes, songs, performances, everything was just perfect. It definitely made up for the shitty week I had previous I even drew him for my class assignment (which is actually pretty lame and a pain in the ass but whatever) [link] . I got my picture taken by so many people because I went all out with the make up, so it was pretty cool . This is the last year for my horns though I think, time to retire them and get new ones. They have served me well
Ahhhh yiss, this was a wonderful experience that I enjoyed greatly. The end!

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

Sorry _{I'm not sorry} I've been missing from uploading. Aside from minor artists block ( I can get ideas and sketches out but nothing upload worthy) I've been dealing with some super family bullshit that just puts me in a mood where I don't want to draw well. I'm hoping that something will emerge from the bullshit though, and I can produce something that can help me deal with it all ( that doesn't involve me actually murdering someone. ) I really just am so frustrated about a lot of things right now, but I won't bore you with the deets of it all.
I will be posting something later if I finish it before my brothers football game, it's just some fanart, but it's fanart of two totally different things so I'm hoping y'all enjoy it and maybe get a kick out of it like I am. Well that's it dumplings, thanks for reading!

Oh, and happy spirit day! Go h0m0z

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

Just hit 600 watchers, so thank you all very much To celebrate, Here is a feature from the last 10 to watch me, and from some of my personal favrits. I love you dumplings!

:thumb246472231::thumb324957163::thumb314770533::thumb306419736: Without YouWithout you my world would fall apart
without you thered be no love in my heart

dont you know
dont you see
just how much  you mean to me

when i say i love you i mean it
im not gonna lie
because without you my heart would die

you really are my everything
without you  i am nothing

i wouldnt just be a shell
id cease to be
trapped in this hell
without you by me

bound by infernal chains that scorch
take my heart and throw it on a torch

i love you and i always will
never doubt please just believe it
it took you opening my eyes for me to see it
and if you left id love you still

i love you forever this much is true
and theres

:thumb310400016::thumb310400266::thumb309695802::thumb309695287:

Hope you enjoyed the feature, and thanks for reading!
~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

My step dad bought me a book on comic books and stuff like that, and the bestest Norwegian ever has started her own weekly comic strip about her life, so with all this combined, I want to get back into writing/comics :I I'll try to do a page a week or so, until it either ends or I get bored with it. SO! Here we go :3
I hope you guise like it

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

SO! I am a tard and I somehow fucked up the settings on my group , and it wasn't accepting members. Well I fixed that, so maybe join/watch my group?

Other than that I'm in my last week of the semester so I've been procrastinating my work, which puts off my art stuffs, but I do have some drawings and photo's to upload so woo! I just need to finish my paper on Nazi doctors and other bullshit. huh, after I finish this semester I just have one more and I'm done! By then my step-dad should be home and my future plans can be put into action Other than that I might take some weird pictures today so huzzah.

Well, that is all. OH, and don't forget to check out my groups


Thakns for reading/faving/watching/etc!

~love, Woody

Hey guys,

I'm entering a contest for the group , and the theme or whatever is IMAGINATION.
I just finished my entry, so I will be posting it tomorrow whenever I get up

Hints:

Other than that, nothing new. Just working on some more drawing ideas so I can upload a bit more often than usual.

Thanks for reading/faving/commenting/watching dumplings!

~Love, Woody

Hey guys,

So, I just read a journal by about how she noticed a website stole her picture, and I figured "lol let me go to google and see what comes up". SOMEONE USED ONE OF MY PHOTOS. But, I'm not really mad because actually it's really funny to me. As you might have picked up, I'm not exactly a jesus loving christian. The site that took my picture ( this one ) seems to be a christian website hell-bent () on converting people to christianity. Nothing wrong with that, just I thought it was funny that they apparently have no idea the picture they used was taken by a satanist. I'm going to send an e-mail to them I think, so we'll see what happens. Stay tuned!

Edit: Well that was quick, I guess pastors are also creatures of the night like me. He's going to forward the message on and it'll be taken care of. Yey

Also, I'm almost done my painting. aww yee .

Alrighty dumplings, thank you for reading

~love, Woody

Hey guys!

I'll give you a point if you can guess what song my journal title is about _{without googling it you bastards} .

Just an update on some shittles:

Art:
I bought some canvasses so I'll be painting and uploading some watercolor works soon. I'm also writing poems to go along with them. The theme is "seven deadly sins." I feel like almost everyone has done something along that theme at some point or ever, or at least thought about it. Natalie said it's like a right of passage which made me lol so I'm doing it. Here's a teaser: the lust poem!
Personal Demons, with lustful intent, torment thee.
Sew up your cunt lips with a needle of chastity.
so there's that. I hope y'all enjoy the painting that goes along with it. Also I'll try to periodically upload some drawings and stuff, but I'm getting more and more picky with what I upload. If you follow me on the tumblr you'll see more stuff, and occasionally some development sketches (when I actually bother to do those.)

Life:
My step dad will be coming home sometime in November, and when he does he's starting his own business of a barber shop and tattoo parlor, and guess what I'm going to get to do . Tattooing! I'll start out as a designer until I learn how to properly use the gun and everything. Should be a fun experience I think. Looking forward to it a lot. Also, almost all of my dads shit is moved out of the house. May the goats forever ravage his asshole in the mountains, furiously.

So yeh. Thanks for reading :3

~Love, Woody

Edit:

I got tagged in some shit, but I posted it in the comments section of their journal. But if you want to read my derping little answers, GO HERE: [link]

Hey guise,

I keep a dream journal or whatever, it goes all the way back to may of 2010, and once in a while on tumblr I'll share one if it's fucking weird or whatever. This one was just cray, and it's from last night.

My dream was:

I was in a house with one of my friends, dwight from the office, and some other people, and there was a cat and a dog. My friend took a sword and cut off their heads and sent them out. The headless bodies were like chickens and still ran around and they splattered blood all over me and I was just like, "oh minor inconvenience whatever". We had to clean up the blood and hide it from someones mom, I don't know who's house it was. So we're sitting there and later these bowls of raviolis are being passed out. The meat is really dry and kind of gravely. Turns out it was the cat and dog. So I was like eh, and didn't finish. Then I woke up.

Uh… Brain and subconscious… wat. Wat was that. Why.

Well, at least it gave me some ideas of shit to doodle.

~Love, Woody

Hey guise,

Just saying I'm not dead. Just drawing stuff and occasionally pooping. Oh and seeing the br0's.

that is all.

~Love, Woody